By: Nina Schmidgall, NCC Family Ministry Pastor
Recent events have many parents asking how to best lead their families in matters of race. “How do we present race and teach anti-racism in an age-appropriate way?” “What is the most appropriate way to engage our children?”
My husband and I are raising our family in the heart of diverse community and have sought school environments and extracurricular activities that would expose them to individuals of many races, ethnicities, and experiences. We have been on a long and mistake-filled journey of learning and confronting our own perspectives. We are grateful to have patient friends of color who have been open and committed to help us grow in understanding.
Here are a few things our friends of color have taught us about raising kids with intentionality regarding race.
Seek Proximity
Nothing transforms perspective and widens understanding more than the stories of others. The single most important step you can take to stretch your family on issues of race and diversity is to cultivate relationship with people that are different from you and your family.
Take a moment to reflect on your community. Are you in real and regular relationship with others that not only look different than you but have different experiences and sometimes (or maybe often) disagree with your perspectives? Are you close enough that you can ask hard questions and pursue understanding even against the threat of offending?
After an honest account of your relationships, if you realize you don’t have numerous meaningful relationships with people different than you, do you need to consider some bold changes? Maybe consider a shift of the sports leagues where your kids participate, the programs where they receive academics or enrichment, or the places they play?
Proximity is important even beyond your friendships and personal relationships. Have you ensured that your children have the opportunity to see people of color in positions of authority? Are there a variety of ages, genders, and colors in their teachers, pastors, coaches? Is your family under the authority of people of color? Do you frequent places of business owned by people of color?
Ensure Exposure
I love to share with our kids the recipes, stories, and memories that were meaningful in my own childhood. But it is also important to expose them to food and culture that is different from their custom.
Expose your kids to new foods even if it is uncomfortable to their palate at first. Explore dishes that other cultures are proud of and learn together about methods for preparing the food and their customs for sharing a meal together.
Seek out books, movies, and plays that center main characters of different racial and ethnic backgrounds. Listen to a wide variety of music, learn its origins and celebrate the differences in the beats and lyrics. It is through this intentional exposure that you will develop your child’s appreciation for things outside of their norm and widen the lens of their worldview.
Expand Their Education
The history presented in our schools and programs is narrow and often excludes contributions by people of color. Look for opportunities with your kids to cultivate an appreciation for the achievements made by black and brown leaders. Celebrate black historical figures and honor contributions that people of color have made to arts, literature, academia, science, and civil rights.
A friend of mine who made it a habit to regularly share stories and moments from black history with her children, shared, “I taught my kids history from a place of love and and with a tone of appreciation. I wanted them to know they came from a strong heritage, that they were from such resilient people.” Her son said to her, “Mom, you taught me to love being black before other people could teach me to hate it.”
Recognize and Leverage Privilege
Help your children consider the parts of their identity that they have to think about least. Once they’ve pinpointed them, they’ve identified their privilege. Together, begin to learn what people who lack that privilege encounter as challenges in their school and community.
If your children are white, teach them the importance of using their privilege to advocate for others. Learning to use one’s voice on behalf of another can be cultivated from a very young age.
Encourage your child to be brave to speak up when an inappropriate joke is directed at a friend.
Teach your children to identify micro-aggression and let them know that they have your permission to speak up even to a person of authority if they see a person of color being treated unfairly. (Micro-aggression is a term used for commonplace indignities that communicate derogatory or negative prejudicial slights or insults toward a marginalized person or group.)
Talk through a plan of action and steps they could take if they see another child being degraded or intimidated.
Have open conversations about ways that they could leverage their privilege to create opportunities for others.
Celebrate Difference
A common mistake white parents have made when teaching their kids about racial differences is to say, “I am raising my kids to be color-blind and just love all people.” While this is rooted in the good-natured desire to see people in their humanity first, to disregard color and difference is to disregard the beauty that comes with diversity. Rather than raise our kids to ignore racial differences, teach them to celebrate them. The earlier we share the rich and varied nature of people with our young children, the more they grow up recognizing that it is both similarities and differences that make our community beautiful.
Instead speak positively with your children about the differences they see. “Isn’t our God so creative that he made His people with so many colors and preferences? The Bible tells us that we are made in God’s image. What a creative God He is!”
Read over this passage with your children and celebrate the beauty of all of God’s people praising Him. “After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb.” Revelation 7:9
Through our intentionality as parents we can pave the way for a different future for our children, one where people or color are regarded with love and opportunity. What step will you take today?